The One Thing Narcissistic Abuse Always Steals First (and How to Get It Back)

church i'm in the relationship narcissistic relationships understanding narcissism Sep 17, 2025

What if I told you that the very first thing narcissistic abuse steals — before your peace, before your confidence — is something far more sacred?

It's your God-given authority.

Not the authority to control others — but the spiritual sovereignty to make decisions, to hear from God, to know what's true, and to live as someone made in His image.

Maybe you've been told so many times that you're wrong... that your judgment is flawed... that you're incapable of making wise choices — and slowly, without even realizing it, you started to believe it.

Maybe now, you second-guess everything. You feel paralyzed by decisions. You wait for someone else to give you permission — even for the smallest things.

But here's the truth: what the narcissist tried to steal was never theirs to take.

The spiritual sovereignty God placed in you still belongs to you. And no amount of gaslighting, control, or shame can erase the image of God in you.

In this article, we'll explore how to find what's been buried — and take your first steps toward trusting your voice, setting boundaries, and walking in the freedom God always intended for you.

Understanding Spiritual Sovereignty: Your God-Given Authority

Before we can reclaim your authority, we need to understand what spiritual sovereignty really means.

In its simplest form, sovereignty means supreme authority — the right to govern. And spiritual sovereignty is the God-given authority you carry over your own life, your own choices, and your own walk with Him.

This concept is rooted in the very first pages of Scripture. Genesis 1:27 tells us, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

That means you were created to reflect God's nature — not just His love, but also His ability to think, choose, create, and relate.

The next verse, Genesis 1:28, goes even further: "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'"

This wasn't just about creation. It was about commission. God gave humanity dominion - authority and responsibility over creation. This includes authority over your own life and choices.

This doesn't mean you're sovereign in the same way God is - He's the ultimate authority. But it does mean you have been given stewardship over your own life, your own choices, and your own spiritual journey. You have the right and responsibility to:

Make decisions about your life
Set boundaries
Choose your relationships
Direct your path according to God's guidance

How Narcissistic Abuse Attacks Your Spiritual Sovereignty

Narcissistic abuse is, at its core, an attack on your spiritual sovereignty. Narcissists systematically strip away your sense of authority over your own life through a process that psychologists call "learned helplessness" and what the Bible might describe as spiritual oppression.

The Four-Step Process of Sovereignty Theft

They question your perceptions:

"That didn't happen the way you remember it."
"You're being too sensitive."
"You're imagining things."

This is gaslighting, and it's designed to make you doubt your own ability to perceive reality accurately.

They attack your decision-making abilities:

"You always make terrible choices."
"You can't be trusted with important decisions."
"You need me to think for you."

Over time, you start to believe that you really can't make good decisions, so you defer to their judgment in more and more areas of your life.

They isolate you from other sources of input and validation:

They criticize your friends
They create conflict with your family
They position themselves as your only reliable source of truth and guidance

This cuts you off from the community and counsel that God designed to help you make wise decisions.

They create dependency:

Financial control
Emotional manipulation
Social isolation

They control the money, the social connections, or the living situation in ways that make you feel trapped and powerless.

The result is that you lose touch with your own God-given authority. You stop trusting your own judgment, your own perceptions, and your own ability to hear from God. You become spiritually dependent on someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Your Spiritual Birthright Remains Intact

But here's what I want you to understand: no matter how much your sovereignty has been attacked, it hasn't been destroyed. It's still there, given to you by God Himself, waiting to be reclaimed and exercised.

Psalm 8:4-6 declares, "What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet."

You are crowned with glory and honor by God Himself. You are made a ruler - not over other people, but over your own life and the sphere of influence God has given you. This is your spiritual birthright, and no one has the right to take it from you.

Jesus reinforced this concept when He said in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." The abundant life Jesus offers includes the freedom to make choices, to exercise your will in alignment with God's will, and to live as the empowered image-bearer He created you to be.

The apostle Paul understood this when he wrote in Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." This freedom includes freedom from human controllers who would usurp God's role in your life.

Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Spiritual Sovereignty

So how do you practically reclaim your spiritual sovereignty after it's been systematically stripped away? Here are four powerful strategies:

1. Start Making Decisions Again

The first step is to start making decisions - small ones at first, then gradually larger ones.

Start with decisions that only affect you:

What to wear
What to eat
What to watch
What to read

If you've been controlled for a long time, even these small choices might feel overwhelming at first. That's normal. Your decision-making muscles have been weakened by disuse, and they need to be strengthened gradually.

The Bible encourages this process in Proverbs 27:14: "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." Notice it doesn't say you shouldn't make decisions - it says you should seek wise counsel. There's a big difference between getting input from trusted advisors and having someone else make your decisions for you.

As you practice making small decisions, pay attention to the results. You'll start to see that you're actually capable of making good choices. Your judgment isn't as flawed as you were told. Your instincts aren't as unreliable as you were led to believe.

Gradually expand to larger decisions:

Where to live
What job to take
Which relationships to maintain

Each successful decision will rebuild your confidence in your own God-given ability to navigate life.

2. Reconnect with God's Voice

One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic abuse is that it can interfere with your ability to hear God's voice. When you've been told repeatedly that your perceptions are wrong, you might start to doubt whether you can accurately discern God's guidance.

But Jesus promised in John 10:27, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." If you belong to God, you have the ability to hear His voice. The narcissist might have created static that makes it harder to hear, but they haven't destroyed your spiritual hearing.

Start by spending quiet time with God without any agenda other than to be in His presence. Don't worry about hearing specific guidance at first - just practice being still and knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

As you rebuild your relationship with God, you'll start to recognize His voice again. It's the voice that:

Brings peace, not anxiety
Aligns with Scripture, not contradicts it
Leads you toward love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)

3. Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

One of the most important ways to exercise your spiritual sovereignty is through setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries aren't walls that keep everyone out - they're gates that allow you to control what and who you allow into your life.

The Bible is full of examples of godly people setting boundaries. Jesus Himself set boundaries:

He withdrew from crowds when He needed solitude (Luke 5:16)
He refused to be manipulated by people's expectations (John 6:15)
He said no to requests that weren't aligned with His mission (Luke 4:42-43)

If Jesus, who was perfect love incarnate, set boundaries, then setting boundaries isn't unloving - it's wise stewardship of the life God has given you.

Start by identifying areas where you need boundaries:

Limiting contact with toxic family members
Stopping the habit of saying yes to every request for your time and energy
Protecting your financial resources from people who would exploit your generosity

Remember, you don't need anyone's permission to set boundaries. You don't need to justify them or defend them endlessly. You simply need to communicate them clearly and maintain them consistently.

4. Reclaim Your Voice

Finally, reclaiming your spiritual sovereignty means reclaiming your voice - your right to speak up, to express your thoughts and feelings, to advocate for yourself, and to participate fully in your own life.

Narcissistic abuse often silences victims through intimidation, gaslighting, or punishment for speaking up. You might have learned that it's safer to stay quiet, to go along with whatever others want, to make yourself small and invisible.

But God gave you a voice for a reason. Proverbs 31:8-9 instructs us to "speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." This includes speaking up for yourself when you're being mistreated.

Start using your voice in small ways:

Expressing preferences
Sharing opinions
Asking questions

As you practice, you'll remember that your thoughts and feelings matter, that your perspective has value, that you have something important to contribute.

Your voice is part of your spiritual sovereignty. Use it to worship God, to encourage others, to speak truth, and to advocate for justice - including justice for yourself.

You Are Not a Victim - You Are an Image-Bearer

I want you to understand something profound: you are not a victim waiting for someone else to rescue you. You are a beloved child of God, made in His image, crowned with glory and honor, and given authority over your own life. The sovereignty that was stolen from you can be reclaimed because it was never theirs to take in the first place.

Yes, reclaiming your spiritual sovereignty takes courage. Yes, it requires you to step out of your comfort zone and risk making mistakes. But you were created for this. You were designed to be an active participant in your own life, not a passive victim of other people's choices.

God is not calling you to be controlled by others - He's calling you to be led by His Spirit. He's not asking you to surrender your will to human controllers - He's inviting you to align your will with His perfect will for your life.

Your spiritual sovereignty is your birthright as an image-bearer of God. Reclaim it, exercise it, and use it to build the life God intended for you to live.

If you're working to reclaim your God-given authority after narcissistic abuse, I invite you to download my free guide "100 Biblical Declarations to Strengthen Your Identity in Christ" that includes powerful truths about who God says you are and what authority He's given you. These declarations will help you replace the lies that abuse planted in your mind with the truth of God's Word about your value and capabilities. Click here to access this free resource.

Watch the video version of the blog here.

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