How to Be Empowered to Deal with a Narcissist When No-Contact is Not Possible

i'm in the relationship narcissistic abuse narcissistic relationships understanding narcissism Dec 13, 2023

In many cases, it’s necessary and wise to go no-contact after leaving a relationship with a narcissist. The reason? You cannot heal in the environment that made you sick in the first place. However, it is not always possible to completely cut contact. Minimal contact, while necessary, can trigger stress and anxiety, potentially hindering your healing journey. So how do you navigate?

In this blog, I am going to outline ways you can draw on the supernatural power of God to safely navigate unavoidable interactions with a narcissist without being set back in your life.

Contact or No-Contact?

If God has been on your case about ending your relationship with a narcissist, and if He is calling you to move forward with your life without looking back, then it is not going to do you any good to find ways to remain in contact with this person. There is no use or need to try to keep a relationship that God has called you to end. If that is you, don’t try to maintain contact when God has removed that grace. Trust God with your future. Move on.

If your narcissist is not safe and can become violent, or extremely vindictive, I would recommend that you go no contact, stay under the radar, and let God deal with your narcissist while you focus on healing and rebuilding your life. 

You can find resources for the process of moving on, rebuilding, and healing on my YouTube Channel and in my blog library. If you are concerned about your safety, or that your life may be at risk, please reach out to the police, alert those around you, and take necessary precautions to protect yourself. 

However, if your life is not in danger and you must have some contact because others are involved, or for a higher purpose —and God still needs you to be in some contact, then the tips I’m about to share will be helpful for you today. You do not need to be bullied or walked over like a doormat. You are the head and not the tail.

So let’s get into it.

Understanding Narcissistic Abuse as a Toxic Environment

To be strong in the face of narcissism, you need to understand that narcissistic abuse takes an entire system of people to enable it and perpetuate it. Narcissistic abuse is not like physical blows. This kind of abuse is in the air that you breathe. It is like second-hand smoke or toxic fumes. It gets into your lungs, your pores, your hair, your clothes—everything – insidiously wearing you down. So what can you do? You have to leave that environment and put yourself into a safe one where you can breathe proper clean air. Only when you stop ingesting the toxin can you start to detox and remove it from within you. Oftentimes, you won't even be able to see how toxic an environment has been until you get out of it. 

Have you ever heard of the boiling frog syndrome? If you stick a frog in a pot of boiling water, it’s going to notice the heat right away and jump out of there. But, if you stick a frog in lukewarm water, and turn up the temperature little by little, the frog will not jump out. It will acclimatize itself to the gradual shifts of temperature until it dies from being boiled. That’s what it’s like for people who go through narcissistic abuse. Just like the frog in boiling water, the toxicity levels may go up and up in subtle, insidious ways, and the victims adjust to the gradual changes without realizing the situation is becoming dangerous. It’s only when we’re out, and in the new and healthy environment that we begin to see the toxicity for what it really is. This is why detoxifying means getting out of the old toxic environment in every way possible. This means no-contact. Ideally, no contact would involve moving far enough away to eliminate physical contact and facilitate rebuilding your life without the narcissist. 

If you are not able to establish no-contact, the key is to treat the narcissistic environment like a toxic zone. What do you do before entering a zone with toxic fumes? You have to put on all your protective gear. You might need a respirator, chemical-resistant gloves, a hard hat, safety glasses, a face shield, or steel-toed boots. That is the gear you need in the natural, but what does gear look like when you are dealing with spiritual toxicity? Ephesians 6 addresses this issue perfectly. This passage talks about the armor of God as our protective gear in the spiritual realm. This protection is relevant in any spiritually combative situation, including the conflict that is so prevalent in a narcissistic relationship. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground…”

When you are dealing with a narcissist, someone who has embedded narcissistic traits into their personality so deeply that you cannot separate their identity anymore from their actions, then you are also dealing with demonic forces. This is not merely flesh and blood that you are dealing with, you are in a war zone with demons. If you’d like to understand more about the demonic spirits behind narcissism I would encourage you to read my blog on the demonic spirits behind narcissism.

Put on The Armour of God

We access the grace of God by coming into his presence and cultivating our relationship with Him. This is crucial when we are navigating through toxic relationships. To strengthen ourselves, we need to spend time with Him. Read Ephesians 6, and pray it over yourself daily and especially before you interact with the narcissist.

Let’s look more deeply into the armor of God. How can we put on this protective armor?

1: Be Strong

First, you must make up your mind that when you interact with the narcissist, you are going to do it from a position of strength. Ephesians 6:10-11 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” 

If you are feeling vulnerable, empty, sad, hurt, negative, or depressed, if you are mourning, or grieving—you are not in a position of strength. In these mental spaces, you are susceptible to being attacked and having a setback. You are vulnerable to having your wounds and weaknesses exploited. When you are in this space, take time to make yourself strong in God. In 1 Samuel 30, the Old Testament gives an example of David who was in the lowest valley of his life because he lost his wife, his kids, his livestock, and his men turned against him. The scriptures say that in that place, David strengthened himself in the Lord (1 Sam 30:6). 

How do you strengthen yourself in the Lord? The scriptures give us many examples. Consider these verses:

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD you. God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

"You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. But as for me, I will sing about your power. ...Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love. For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress. O my Strength, to you I sing praises, for you, O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love." Psalm 59:9, 16-17

"The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever." Psalm 121:1-8

And many, many more…

What do these verses have in common? They over and over again point to how we receive God’s strength through our belief that He is powerful in our lives. How do we build this faith? By internalizing His promises, reading and meditating on them. We build faith by recalling all the ways that God has shown His love and goodness to us. As you meditate and internalize what His word says about His love for you, you will know His goodness and trust that His intentions toward you are for good. In this place you will find faith, you will know His goodness, and be able to walk in confidence that God is on your side and nothing and nobody can shake you. It is also knowing God’s power, and His ability to protect you and take care of you no matter what the narcissist does. 

When you have strengthened yourself in this way with God, then the narcissist has no power over you because you are not afraid of them. Your trust is in God and you are rooted in His love. No matter how the narcissist behaves, you know that greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world. You are confident in this scripture: “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers advance against me to eat my flesh, when my foes and my enemies come against me, it is they who will stumble and fall. If an army lines up against me, my heart will not fear. If war rises against me, even then I will keep trusting.” Psalm 27:1-3

So, if you have to interact with the narcissist in your life, make sure you always get prayed up and strengthened in God first. Interactions with a narcissist are like a warzone: you do not want to go in unprepared.

2: The Belt of Truth

The second thing you must do is wear the belt of truth around your waist. What does that mean? You are committed to the truth and will not deviate from it. You cultivate truth within yourself so that you operate by it and in a manner pleasing to God. The Bible says, “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom” (Psalm 51:6). When you are armed with the belt of truth, the truth becomes the foundation upon which you will stand in all your interactions. You continuously point to the truth, return to the truth, and hold the narcissist to the truth no matter how much they might try to deceive, lie, manipulate, gaslight, project, deflect, and cause you to doubt your senses, perceptions, and judgments. 

Remember, when a narcissist speaks lies, they are speaking the native language of Satan. Jesus said to the Pharisees, who are examples of narcissists in Jesus’ day; “You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his resources, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). When you have the belt of truth buckled around your waist, you are empowered by God to be grounded in the truth supernaturally in your dealings with the narcissist, who is a liar—who tries to use insidious and slippery ways to deviate from the truth. But when you are in Christ wearing the armor of God, the narcissist has no power to sway you out of what is true and what is reality, into confusion, fog, second-guessing, or questioning yourself. You are walking in God’s supernatural strength. And He has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).

3: The Breastplate of Righteousness

The third piece of protection is the breastplate of righteousness. The breastplate is the part of the armor that protects your heart. 

You wear the breastplate by walking uprightly and morally, by endeavoring to walk with the attributes of Jesus Christ. In other words, you choose to walk in the opposite spirit of narcissism. If the narcissist in your life cannot empathize, then you will make sure that you cultivate empathy within yourself. If the narcissist is arrogant and grandiose, then you will make sure that you do not treat people as inferior to you, and you will practice humility. If a narcissist never apologizes or takes responsibility, you will make sure that you are comfortable to apologize when the situation warrants it, and you can take responsibility and own your part. It is in practicing these things that you can have protective armor over your heart.

4: The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace

Next, put on the shoes of the gospel of peace, which means walking in your knowledge of the good news of peace. A narcissist is a high-conflict person who likes to cause drama. Some types gain pleasure from inflicting pain on the people closest to them. They have a mean-spirited, cruel side. They naturally like to escalate things and can be quite volatile. Life with a narcissist can be chaotic, with ups and downs like a roller coaster ride. Wearing the shoes of peace is about your heart's disposition. When you are standing in peace, no matter how chaotic, crazy, or violent the narcissist is towards you, you know your place in Christ. You are unshaken because you are grounded in the good news of the gospel of peace: that Christ died for you because of His passionate love; that you have a treasure and inheritance with Him that no narcissist can hijack, undermine, or take away from you. Christ is greater than the narcissist, and no one can snatch you out of His hand. No matter what abuse or verbal beatings or drama comes at you, you can remain in a posture of peace because Christ said, “My peace I leave with you…” (John 14:27). There is nothing that a narcissist can do to get a hold on you if you are at peace. While a narcissist seeks to create and escalate volatile situations, your posture of peace is a weapon against it to neutralize all their attacks. They cannot go anywhere with their conflict when you are walking in your shoes of peace. 

5: The Shield of Faith

The fifth thing you can do is to take up the shield of faith. Faith is a defensive armor that moves around to block the arrows of the enemy. The narcissist may hurl many insults at you, and taunt you with threats and intimidations. You may feel weak, helpless, and powerless, but whose power will you put your faith in? Do you trust God’s power to protect you more than the narcissist’s power to harm you? God’s word says, “Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you.” (Isaiah 35:4). God wants you to put your trust in Him and His power more than the narcissist’s. Do you trust God to provide for you and look after you even if the narcissist has taken and stolen so much from you? God’s words says, ““Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and price. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in abundance.” (Isaiah 55:1-2) God’s desire is for you to carry a massive shield of faith that believes in God to protect you and provide for you in every way you need more than any human person or relationship can.

6: The Helmet of Salvation

The sixth thing is to put on the helmet of salvation. Why is this so important? The helmet of salvation protects your mind from the warfare of deceit, lies, and curses that can come against you from the narcissist, which can affect your thinking about yourself, God, and others. It is a protection against the coercive control and witchcraft that can come from the narcissist to twist and mutate your thinking.

7: The Sword of the Spirit

I’m sure you have noticed that all the armor listed so far in Ephesians 6 is defensive. It is armor that protects you from attack. The last and final piece of armor is the only offensive armor you have, which is the sword of the spirit, the word of God. We must take up this armor also.

Jesus fought Satan with the word of God in the desert (Matt 4). It is important to know the word of God and to fight with it and make it your anchor to combat the lies of the enemy. From the very beginning of his ministry, Jesus continued to call out those who preached lies, telling the Pharisees that because they were committed to lies, their Father was the devil. The devil is the father of lies and has from the beginning told lies. He is the father of lies and he has been lying since the beginning (John 8:44). Therefore, to make sure you are not ensnared by the lies of the narcissist and to protect yourself from having those lies penetrate you, you must know God’s word, which is truth, and fight them with God’s word.

Finally, after wearing all the armor, Paul the Apostle calls believers to pray in the Spirit. He says, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests” (Eph 6:18). Praying in the Spirit is very powerful. When you are going through turmoil, heartbreak, trauma, or things that are overwhelming and beyond your control.  Praying in the Spirit is the best way to pray because you are praying perfect prayers by the Spirit that are aligned with God’s heart. The Spirit is taking over and praying through you. Sometimes we are so burdened we are at a loss for words and don’t know what to pray for or how to pray. Romans 8:26 says, “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

So if you put on all the armor of God and pray in the Spirit, a narcissist is no match for you. You become a giant just as David became a giant when he put on God’s spiritual armor, not Saul’s, and took down Goliath with a sword. The narcissist is no match for you when you are wearing God’s armor. David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied” (1 Samuel 17:45).

You can say to the narcissist or abuser in your life, “You come to me with lies, deception, and manipulation, but I come in the name of the Lord Almighty, whom you have defied.” (1 Sam 17:45)

Related Resources

 Watch the video version of this blog here.

Understanding Narcissism:

  • The Demonic Spirits Behind Narcissism. [Watch] [Read]
  • 10 Questions a Narcissist Simply Cannot Answer. [Watch]

Going No Contact:

  • Should You Block Your Narcissistic Family Members on Social Media? [Watch]

When You Can’t Leave:

  • 10 Tips on How to Survive and Thrive with One. [Watch]
  • 10 Powerful Phrases to Stand Your Ground Against the Narcissist. [Watch]
  • 5 Tips to Survive When You Can’t Leave the Narcissist. [Watch]

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog

Downloadable Resources 

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