Narcissist Destroying Your Reputation? God Says Do THIS First

covert narcissism effects of abuse fulfilling your purpose narcissistic abuse narcissistic relationships understanding narcissism Jan 28, 2026

Your reputation is being shredded behind your back.

The person who manipulated you, who lied to you, who hurt you—they're now telling everyone that you're the problem. They're the victim. You're the villain. And somehow, they've got people believing it. People you trusted—people you loved—are withdrawing. They don't ask for your side of the story. They just... disappear.

You want to defend yourself. You want to scream the truth. But every time you try, you sound desperate. Defensive. Maybe even a little unhinged.

And that's exactly what they want.

So how do you fight back when someone is systematically destroying your name? In this article, I'm going to show you the first four steps in God's battle plan—steps that will protect your peace, anchor you in truth, and position you for God's vindication.

Why Your Reputation Matters to God

Before we get into the steps, I need you to understand something: God cares deeply about your reputation.

"A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." - Proverbs 22:1

Your reputation is not vanity. It's not pride. It's a treasure that takes years—sometimes decades—to build. And it can be destroyed in seconds by a lie. Ecclesiastes 7:1 says, "A good name is better than fine perfume." Your reputation is precious. It matters. And God sees when someone tries to destroy it.

God Hates Slander

Proverbs 6 lists seven things the Lord hates—seven things that are detestable to Him. And two of them are directly about destroying someone's reputation: "a lying tongue" and "a person who stirs up conflict in the community."

Think about that. Slander is in the same list as murder. God takes this seriously.

James 3:6 goes even further. It says, "The tongue is a fire, a world of evil... It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Set on fire by hell. That's not dramatic language—that's biblical language. When someone destroys your reputation with lies, they are operating in a demonic strategy. This is not just relational drama. This is spiritual warfare.

God Promises to Vindicate You

The good news is that God promises to be your defender.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:5-6

Did you catch that? God will make your vindication shine like the noonday sun. Not a flicker. Not a dim glow. The noonday sun. Undeniable. Unavoidable. Brilliant.

But here's the key: God's battle plan looks very different from the world's battle plan. The world says, "Defend yourself! Clear your name! Fight back!" But God says, "Be still. I will fight for you."

So let's talk about the first 4 steps of God's Battle Plan.

God's Battle Plan: The First 4 Steps

Step 1: Grieve the Loss

The first step is one most people skip, and it's the most important: Grieve the loss.

I know you want to jump straight to strategy. You want to fix this. But before you can fight wisely, you have to acknowledge the wound.

The loss of these relationships is real. The betrayal is real. The injustice is real. And you need to give yourself permission to feel it.

Psalm 55 was written by David when his close friend betrayed him. Listen to what he says: "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it... But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship."

David is saying, "I could handle it if it was an enemy. But this is my friend. This is someone I trusted." Does that sound familiar?

Job experienced this too. Job 19:13-14 says, "He has alienated my family from me; my acquaintances are completely estranged from me. My relatives have gone away; my closest friends have forgotten me."

Here's what I need you to hear: Grief is not unforgiveness. Grief is honoring what was lost. You're not being bitter by grieving. You're being honest. And God can handle your honesty. In fact, the Bible has an entire category for this kind of pain. It's called lament. The Psalms are full of laments—raw, honest prayers where people cry out to God about injustice.

Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry and do not sin." You are allowed to be angry at injustice. Righteous anger is biblical. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to "just forgive and move on" before you've even processed the wound.

Action Step: Give yourself permission to grieve. Write out your lament to God. Tell Him exactly how you feel. Don't rush past this step. Healing starts here.

Step 2: Recognize the Spiritual Battle

The second step is to recognize that this is not just a relational problem—it's a spiritual battle.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:12

The person destroying your reputation is not your enemy. They are being used by the enemy. And that means you need to fight this battle in the spiritual realm, not just the physical one.

Narcissists mirror Satan's core strategy. Revelation 12:10 calls Satan "the accuser of our brothers and sisters." That's his primary tactic—accusation. And John 8:44 says, "The devil is a liar and the father of lies."

But here's where it gets even more twisted. Narcissists don't just lie about you. They accuse you of the very things they're doing. This is called projection. In abuse recovery circles, there's an acronym for it: DARVO. It stands for:

Deny
Attack
Reverse Victim and Offender

They deny what they did. They attack you. And then they flip the script and claim they're the victim and you're the abuser. This is why you feel so crazy. You're being accused of their sins. And when you try to defend yourself, it sounds like you're the one who's guilty.

Spiritual warfare doesn't always look like demons under the bed. It often looks like relational warfare. This doesn't mean the narcissist is demon-possessed. It means they're operating in demonic patterns. And you need to fight accordingly.

Action Step: Reframe this as a spiritual battle. Pray for spiritual eyes to see what's really happening. And remember: the person is not your enemy. The enemy is your enemy.

Your Free Gift: The Believer's Guide to Identifying Flying Monkeys

One of the most painful parts of a smear campaign is realizing that people you trusted have been turned into what are called "flying monkeys"—people who unknowingly do the narcissist's dirty work for them.

I've created a free guide called The Believer's Guide to Identifying Flying Monkeys. It will help you recognize when someone is being used to manipulate you, and it gives you practical scripts for how to respond.

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Step 3: Starve the Fire

The third step is the hardest for most people: Stop defending yourself.

I know that feels wrong. I know every fiber of your being wants to set the record straight. But here's the truth: Every defense makes you look guilty. The narcissist wants you to defend yourself. They want you to look emotional, desperate, and unstable. Because the more you explain, the crazier you sound.

The Bible says there is "a time to be silent and a time to speak" (Ecclesiastes 3:7). In situations like this, where your reputation is getting destroyed through smear campaigns and false accusations, this is your time to be silent. Your silence is not weakness. Your silence is strategy. You are refusing to give the chaos the oxygen it needs to survive.

And you know who else did this? Jesus.

"When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer... Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor." - Matthew 27:12-14

Jesus was silent before His accusers. Not because He was guilty. But because He knew that some people aren't worthy of an explanation. Matthew 7:6 says, "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls before pigs.

Some people don't deserve your pearls. They don't deserve your explanation. They've already chosen a side. Avoid the JADE trap:

Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

When you JADE, you're giving the narcissist exactly what they want: supply, drama, and "proof" that you're unstable.

Instead, practice strategic silence. When someone comes to you with secondhand information, you say this once: "I'd be happy to share my perspective if you want to hear it. But I'm not going to defend myself repeatedly." And then you stop.

Your life will speak louder than your words. Trust that.

Step 4: Document the Truth

The fourth step is practical, and it's essential: Document everything.

I know this feels unspiritual, like you're "keeping a record of wrongs." But this is biblical wisdom. Narcissists rewrite history. It's called gaslighting. They will tell you that something never happened. They will twist your words. They will claim you said things you never said. Over time, you start to question your own memory.

This is why documentation is so important. It's your anchor to reality.

"The first to speak in court sounds right—until the cross-examination begins." - Proverbs 18:17

The narcissist will speak first. They will sound convincing. But when the time comes for cross-examination, you need evidence. Here's what you document:

Dates
Times
Witnesses
Exact quotes
Screenshots
Emails
Text messages

Keep it all in a private file. This is not for social media. This is for your sanity and for future accountability.

But what about 1 Corinthians 13:5, that "love keeps no record of wrongs?" There's a difference between keeping a record of wrongs (holding grudges to fuel bitterness) and documenting truth (creating a record so that lies can't rewrite reality). This isn't about revenge. It's about accountability.

Malachi 3:16 says, "Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence." God keeps a record. You should too.

What's Next?

Let's recap the first four steps in God's battle plan:

Grieve the loss. Give yourself permission to lament without guilt.
Recognize the spiritual battle. This is not just relational—it's demonic.
Starve the fire. Stop defending yourself. Practice strategic silence.
Document the truth. Keep a private record to protect yourself from gaslighting.

These are the first four steps, but there are three more that are just as critical. I cover them in the next article: "Narcissist Got Away With It? God's Plan for Your Vindication." In that article, I show you the final three steps that will carry you through the waiting period and position you for the vindication God has promised.

Here's what I want you to remember: You are not fighting this battle alone. God sees what's happening. He knows the truth. And He will vindicate you. Your job is not to defend your reputation. Your job is to walk in integrity and trust God with the outcome.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your vindication shine like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:5-6

That's a promise. Hold onto it.

Your Free Gift: The Believer's Guide to Identifying Flying Monkeys

If you haven't already, make sure you download the free resource I created for you: The Believer's Guide to Identifying Flying Monkeys. It's packed with practical tools to help you recognize and respond to manipulation.

Click Here to Download Your Free Guide Now

Toxicity is NOT your destiny.

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