4 Biblical Signs You Are Not Dealing With a Safe Person

covert narcissism effects of abuse has the narcissist changed? i'm in the relationship recovering after a narcissistic relationship spiritual warfare in narcissistic relationships understanding narcissism Aug 10, 2026

Have you ever noticed that when you finally set a boundary with a toxic person, things do not get better? They get worse. You ask for space, and they punish you for asking. Or they pretend to agree, but they attach conditions that keep you completely trapped.

You think you are making progress, but you are actually just negotiating the terms of your own captivity.

Today, we are going to look at four specific negotiation tactics of the Pharaoh spirit, straight from the book of Exodus. We will see how narcissists use these exact same tactics today when you try to set boundaries, and how you can recognize them so you stop negotiating your own freedom.

This is Part 2 of the Pharaoh series. In the first article, we looked at why a narcissist refuses to let you go, the theology of the hardened heart, and the deception of false repentance. If you have not read that one yet, I highly recommend starting there, as it gives you the full foundation for understanding the Pharaoh spirit.

But here is the short version: the Pharaoh spirit is the spirit of narcissism operating in a person of authority, whether that is a spouse, a parent, a pastor, or a boss. And when Moses came to Pharaoh and said, "Let my people go," Pharaoh did not just say no. He opened a playbook.

Here is tactic number one.

Tactic #1: Punishment for Asking

When Moses first asks Pharaoh for freedom, Pharaoh's immediate response is to increase the oppression.

Then the king of Egypt said to them, "Moses and Aaron, why do you take the people from their work? Get back to your labor." ... "You shall no longer give the people straw to make brick as before. Let them go and gather straw for themselves. And you shall lay on them the quota of bricks which they made before. You shall not reduce it... Let more work be laid on the men." (Exodus 5:7-9)

The tactic here is simple: punish the request itself. Make the cost of asking for freedom so high that the victim never asks again. Pharaoh is sending a message to the Israelites: "Look what happens when you listen to Moses. Look what happens when you try to stand up. Are you sure you want to do this again?"

You know what this looks like today. When you set a boundary with a malignant narcissist, they escalate. They create a crisis. They increase their demands. They make your life so chaotic that you spend all your energy putting out fires instead of enforcing the boundary you just set.

In a marriage, you say, "I need you to stop speaking to me that way," and they respond by giving you the silent treatment for a week, or by blowing up your phone with fifty rage texts. In a church, you raise a legitimate concern to leadership, and suddenly you are removed from ministry, or they call a meeting about your "rebellious spirit." With a narcissistic parent, you set a boundary around visits, and they call every sibling, every aunt, every cousin to tell them you have abandoned the family. In a workplace, you push back on an unreasonable demand, and suddenly your performance review is negative for the first time in years.

The tactic is the same across every context. The goal is to train you to associate boundary-setting with unbearable pain. They want you to conclude that it is easier to just stay quiet and make the bricks without straw than it is to endure their retaliation.

Tactic #2: False Compliance with Conditions

When the plagues begin and the pressure on Pharaoh increases, he realizes he has to offer something. So he tries tactic number two: partial release with a proximity condition.

Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, "Go, sacrifice to your God in the land." (Exodus 8:25)

Notice the condition: "in the land." Stay where I can see you. Stay within my borders. Stay under my jurisdiction.

When Moses refuses, Pharaoh tries again a few verses later.

So Pharaoh said, "I will let you go, that you may sacrifice to the Lord your God in the wilderness; only you shall not go very far away." (Exodus 8:28)

The tactic is false compliance. They appear to agree with your boundary. They even use generous language. "I will let you go." But they attach strings that keep you under their control. You feel like you have made progress, but you have not actually gone anywhere.

In a modern context, this sounds like compromise, but it is actually a leash.

In a marriage: "Fine, we can separate, but we still need to do family dinners every Sunday." "You can have your own bank account, but I need to see the statements." With a narcissistic parent: "Fine, I will not come over unannounced, but you need to call me every single day." "I will respect your space, but I expect you at every holiday, no exceptions." In a church: "You can step back from serving, but you still need to attend every Sunday and meet with the elders monthly." In a workplace: "I will reduce your workload, but I need you available by phone on weekends."

They concede the boundary in theory, but they structure it in a way that ensures they never actually lose access to you. They are saying, "You can have your freedom, only you shall not go very far away."

Tactic #3: Holding Hostage What Matters Most

As the plagues devastate Egypt, Pharaoh realizes he cannot stop the exodus entirely. So he shifts to tactic number three: concede the person, but hold hostage what they love or need most.

First, he tries to keep the children.

And he said to them... "Go now, you who are men, and serve the Lord, for that is what you desired." (Exodus 10:10-11)

Leave if you want, but your families stay with me. When Moses refuses that, and the next plague hits, Pharaoh tries to keep the resources.

Then Pharaoh called to Moses and said, "Go, serve the Lord; only let your flocks and your herds be kept back. Let your little ones also go with you." (Exodus 10:24)

You can have your freedom, and you can even have your family, but not your financial independence. Leave your resources behind.

This is one of the most devastating tactics of the Pharaoh spirit. When a narcissist realizes they are losing control of you, they will target the things you cannot bear to lose.

In a marriage, they weaponize children in custody battles, or they freeze financial assets so you cannot afford to leave. With a narcissistic parent, they hold inheritance over your head, or they threaten to cut you off from the rest of the family. "If you do not come to Christmas, you will never see your nieces and nephews again." In a church, a narcissistic leader holds your reputation and your community hostage. "If you leave this church, everyone will know why." They know that your relationships, your friendships, your entire social world is inside those walls. In a workplace, they hold your career advancement hostage. They threaten a bad reference. They remind you that they "made" you.

The message is always the same: "You can leave, but you will not survive without what I am keeping." They are banking on the fact that your love for your family, your need for community, or your financial dependence will force you to return to Egypt.

Tactic #4: The False Repentance Reset

Between these escalations, Pharaoh uses false repentance to reset the cycle.

He says, "I have sinned... the Lord is righteous" (Exodus 9:27). He confesses under pressure, promises to release them, and then reverts the moment the pressure lifts.

This tactic is used to reset your hope. Just when you are ready to walk away completely, they drop the hostility and offer a perfect apology. They speak kindly. They make their voice gracious. And because you are a God-fearing person who values forgiveness, you pause. You drop your guard. You enter back into negotiations.

And this is the paradigm collision you have to recognize. Every single one of these tactics exploits your goodness.

Tactic one works because you care about peace. Tactic two works because you believe in compromise. Tactic three works because you love your children. Tactic four works because you believe in forgiveness. The Pharaoh spirit does not just dominate you; it weaponizes your own virtues against you.

Seeing the Playbook

This is why you have to stop negotiating. When you are dealing with an established, ongoing pattern of malignant narcissism, traditional methods of conflict resolution do not work. Compromise does not work.

Moses did not negotiate Israel's freedom. He did not accept partial release. He did not leave the flocks behind. God demanded full release. No conditions.

If you are trying to navigate this, I want to speak directly to the fear you might be feeling right now. Some of you read these four tactics and your stomach dropped, because you know exactly what will happen if you try to enforce a boundary. You know the rage. You know the retaliation. You know what they are capable of. And that fear is not irrational. It is based on real experience.

But I want you to notice something about the Exodus story. God did not send Moses into Pharaoh's court blind. God knew exactly how Pharaoh was wired. He knew the stubbornness, the cruelty, the retaliation. He knew every tactic Pharaoh would use before Pharaoh used it. And He gave Moses the strategy for each one. He told Moses what to say, when to say it, and what would happen next. Moses was never improvising. He was following a God who had already mapped out every move Pharaoh would make.

Your exodus is not something you need to figure out on your own. God knows the complexity of your situation. He knows what is being held hostage. He knows exactly how the narcissist in your life is wired, what triggers their rage, and what they will do when they feel they are losing control. And He is not asking you to walk into that blindly. He is asking you to seek Him for the approach, because He already has a plan for your deliverance that accounts for every tactic they will try.

The moment you can see the tactic for what it is, it loses its power over you.

Click here to watch the video version of this blog.

If you are currently trying to navigate this, I have a free resource for you called A Biblical Guide to Safe Disengagement. It will help you recognize these manipulation tactics clearly so you can protect your peace and map out what safe boundaries actually look like when you are dealing with this spirit. Download it by clicking here.

Downloadable Resources

Want more content like this?

Get encouraging and empowering content delivered straight to your inbox! Join my mailing list to receive weekly blogs and resources.

By filling this form, you agree to receive quality-filled communications from us. We will never spam you or share your information with a third party.